Into the Woods
by Jaspers Dark Darlin Angels
Summary: Bella is never around. Alice left. Edward has nothing left, will one last hunt with Jasper change his life for the better or will he learn to live a separate life away from the one he suddenly cant live with out? e/j jaspersdarkangel/jaspersdarlinkathy
1. Who would have thought

**Hey everyone just wanted to give y'all a heads up, this is a slash and it does have lots of vampire man love in it. It will never be a Bella story so don't even ask. If slash isn't your bag that's fine with us but we don't want to hear it, so don't leave a review, in fact, I would say don't even read it. Narrow-minded people have no room in our fandom! With that said we hope you like it. If we get enough reviews of people liking it we will continue it. If not it will become a one shot let us know okay. This story is brought to you my Jasper's Dark Angel and Jasper's Darlin' Kathy. The whole idea was give to us by Jasper's Dark Angel's little sis Jaspers Temptress. This was beta's by Domwards Mistress formerly Dannie7786 if you haven't read her stories Closer to God and Slow Seduction we strongly recommend it.**

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Into the woods

It had been so long since Bella and I had had sex. She was so busy with Jake and Alice. She was never home and when she was she didn't want anything to do with me. I wasn't sure what it was about. I couldn't read her mind and she hadn't let me into her mind in so long, I honestly had no idea what was going on in there. I had found myself spending more and more time with Jasper because he was in the same boat as me.

The constant trips around the world for random shopping sprees had taken its toll on his and Alice's relationship as well. And judging by the state of Jasper's thoughts he was just as frustrated and in need of a release as I was.

It was pathetic really, how much I needed to get laid. I had gone over a hundred years with out sex and suddenly I cant live with out it, but it was the truth.

I was sitting at my piano bench trying not to dwell on the fact that I hadn't gotten off in almost 6 months, when Jasper walked into the living room. He was in a pair of low-slung jeans that sat loosely on his well-defined hips. He had just gotten out of the shower, water clung to his hair and a towel was draped over his left shoulder but he wore no shirt. The scars that marred his body were prominent, but didn't distract from his otherworldly beauty. _Did I really just think Jasper was beautiful?_ My body reacted immediately. I could feel myself getting hard just looking at Jasper and I couldn't understand why. Shaking my head, I tried to rid myself of the not so innocent images that were bombarding my mind. I glanced back at Jasper, who was quirking an eyebrow at me, no doubt feeling my lust. Though misplaced, it was most definitely directed at Jasper. Diverting my attention, I went back to playing the piano as Jasper left out the back door.

I sat and played for hours. The day had turned into night and I hadn't seen another living or undead soul. Getting up, I decided to get the hell out of the house. I was done living a shell of a life. If my wife could leave with out informing me where she was going then, I could too. I had my wallet and my keys and that's all I needed. I decided to go on one last hunt before getting the hell out of dodge. If Bella really wanted me she could find me; I was done waiting around for her. I was about to take off into the forest when I heard the sound of a car approaching behind me. Turning around I saw Jasper get out of his car and start to walk towards me.

"Hey man, what's going on?" I asked, trying once again to ignore the image of me slamming him in to a tree and plunging my dick into his ass.

"Nothing much, just needing to hunt." _And not wanting to let you go._ Jasper's thoughts broke through my mental filter. I had been trying so hard to keep myself out of people's heads. It had been working too, until just now.

"Yeah, I was just going to go for a hunt. You're welcome to join me if you want. But after the hunt I think I am going to go to Alaska for a while. I need to get away from this place."

"Yeah, I was actually thinking of visiting Peter for a while after this hunt." _No one's home anyway and it's not like I can get a release from you. Alice and I are over, but Peter will help me out__,__ I'm sure. _The state of his thoughts caught me off guard. I had not expected him to admit that Alice and him were over, let alone have him admit that he thought about me the same way I was starting to think about him.

Jpov

Alice and I had been on rocky ground for years but were unwilling to admit it to each other. The final straw was the vision Alice had a few weeks back. It was of her and some brunette living happily-ever-after. She was always on my case because I wasn't a romantic. She didn't understand how someone so emotional couldn't be romantic. Well I have enough of those emotions running through me as it is; I didn't need to add to them. The strange part was that I did no longer really desire her anyway. I had always experimented and was not opposed to same sex coupling. Peter and I had been together for a while before Charlotte came along, but I had never mated with a man. It was never about love with Peter, only sex. After being with Alice for so long, it was hard for me to deal with not having a special person in my life. I wasn't looking for some one to just scratch an itch any more. What I had with Peter all those years ago was not going to work for me now. I wasn't that person anymore, content with going through the motions, living everyday like it could be my last and not caring what happened. I cared now, I knew better. I didn't have to look over my shoulders anymore, didn't have to worry about meeting my maker, well I guess Maria was my maker but you know what I mean. I wanted to live life to the fullest and I wanted to do it with the one I was supposed to live the rest of my un-natural life with.

I'm still a man and would gladly take a romp in the hay with a willing and able vampire, but that didn't mean I wasn't looking for something more. My sudden and unexplainable surge of lust shocked me as I walked down the stairs and I looked up to see where it was coming from. I found Edward sitting on the piano bench looking as gorgeous as always. I had always been attracted to him and Alice had always known it. No one else in the family had ever known it though and I had been able to keep the attraction out of my thoughts for the better part of 60 years when Edward was around. I never let my mind dwell on it for too long, because dwelling wouldn't get me far. It would just frustrate me, and that just sucked! So the fact that I was feeling lust coming from Edward was intriguing. He had a far away look in his eyes like he was thinking hard or remembering something, suddenly shaking his head to rid himself of whatever thought had passed through his brain, he looked up at me and I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow in question at the feelings he was projecting. He gave me a sheepish look and just went back to pounding on the keys. I didn't want to worry about what was on his mind. He can be so emo sometimes, and as an empath, it's enough to drive me to a padded cell. Ignoring the strange mood my vampire brother was in, I left. I walked out to my car and grabbed the shirt I wanted to wear from the back seat and put it on. I wasn't sure how it had gotten in the back seat, must have been Alice trying to get rid of it. She always hated my clothing. But she didn't have a say in what I got to wear anymore. That thought brought a smile to my face as I got in my car and just started to drive. I had nowhere to go and nowhere I wanted to be, well unless you count Edward's arms as somewhere to be.

I drove for hours, finding myself in Portland. I decided to get out and explore the town a little. We always went to Seattle for the day, no one ever ventured to Oregon. It's not like Oregon is that much different plus it's only an hour longer in the car to drive to Portland then it is to Seattle. Well I guess half hour with the way we drive. The 4.5-hour drive to Portland only took me two hours and it left me with plenty of time to explore this wonderful state. It was a lot like Washington; rainy, wet, and cold. The people are a bit unusual, way more hippy dippy but also more open-minded then most places. I was finding it easy to sit in Pioneer Square and people watch. It was an excursive I had been slowly working on to build my resistance to human blood up and it was working. The feelings of the Oregonians enveloped me and I was enjoying watching them all interact.

It was starting to get dark and I had decided that I needed to get home. While sitting in observance I had decided that I would leave the Cullen's. Now that I was a free man, I was finding resisting the temptation that was Edward more difficult and I needed to get away. Maybe in a few decades I would be able to come back, maybe after I found my true mate? I didn't know but I needed to hunt and see him one last time before I left. It was going to be hard but I knew I could do it.

I arrived home a few hours later to find Edward in the driveway. Waves of determination were rolling off of him. I got out of the car and started walking towards him. A strong wave of lust hit me and almost knocked me to my knees. Though, truth be told, I wouldn't mind being on my knees at this moment as long as it was in front of Edward with his rock hard cock in my mouth. He made some small talk about going to Alaska and asking me to go hunting with him and the only thing I could really think was I didn't want him to leave. So I decided to go, maybe I was hopeful that the lust he was feeling was directed at me but it more then likely was just him thinking about Bella.

"Sure I'll come with you, no point hunting by myself." I told him, the truth was I just wanted to watch him hunt. He was so fucking sexy in full on predator mode.

We both took off in the forest neither of us talking. It wasn't long before we found what we were looking for. Edward found his mountain lion first and I was content to just sit back and watch him take down the strong animal. He was crouched down, giving me a shot of his smooth round ass and pounced. He was so fluid in his movements in the air; the lion never stood a chance. Edward caught the animal around the neck and took it down. Snapping its neck and sinking his teeth into the beasts' jugular, Edward drained it quickly and tossed the carcass aside. Standing from his crouch I could see his perfectly chiseled chest, the cat had clawed away at the shirt as it struggled to get away, leaving his marble skin on view. The sudden lust I myself was feeling was almost unbearable, it had been so long since I had had a release that wasn't self-induced and I desperately wanted Edward to be the person to give it to me.

Edward slowly walked toward me, lust rolling off of him in waves. I arched a brow at him and he smirked.

"Aren't you going to hunt Jasper?" he said stopping right in front of me.

"Yeah," I grinned, "I am going to go hunting, and you aren't going to leave yet are you?"

He smiled, "No, I wasn't going to leave yet."

I nodded and took off running toward the scent of some deer. I took down a large buck quickly. Once I had it drained, I buried the carcass and made my way back to Edward.

When I got back to where I left him, I saw that he was in the river swimming and his clothes were on the ground. The images of Edward naked I had been playing in my head over the years did not do him justice. Not thinking, I quickly removed my clothing and jumped in.

I swam to the middle of the river were Edward, was making sure to stay under the surface; I really was trying to stay away from him. But the current caught me and I let it move me to him. Sure, I could have resisted and won but I didn't want to. The current swept me up and brought me to the only other being in the water. My hand brushed up against Edward's thigh. Startled, I felt him pull away slightly. When I resurfaced his eyes were black and filled with lust. The actual feelings he was projecting swirled around me like a blanket, warm and safe. I could feel the lust; want, need and desire but the strength of love he was projecting nearly took my breath away. We stared into each other's eyes for a moment. The black pools swirled with gold and were enchanting. It was like I was looking into his soul. I truly understood what Bella had meant when she said he dazzled her. He was dazzling me.

EPOV

When Jasper came back and stripped out of his clothing, I couldn't help but stare. My dick was so hard and I was begging for a release. I watched as he jumped in and when he brushed up against me, the lust that I was feeling was almost overwhelming.

When He resurfaced, his eyes were black, as night and I knew my eyes matched. We stared into each other's eyes for a moment and I could see with out having to read his mind, that he wanted me just as badly as I wanted him. In less then a second his mind was made up and he moved closer to me.

I could only focus on his lips as he moved closer to me. They looked so soft and I desperately wanted to know what they felt like. I looked back into his eyes to make sure I wasn't reading more into this. He licked his lips, catching some of the water from the river on his tongue, and quickly closed the space between us. His lips touched mine and I couldn't help but sigh in relief. This kiss was filled with so much passion. It felt like I was going to combust. He licked my lower lip asking for permission to explore my mouth and I quickly obliged.

At the feel of his tongue on mine, I moaned into his mouth. His mouth was sweet and he tasted fucking delicious. I couldn't get enough of him. I pulled him closer to me and he wrapped his arms around my neck and threaded his fingers into my hair. I flipped us so that his back was pressed against the riverbank. I removed my lips from his and began kissing down his neck. Lavishing open-mouthed kisses down his well defined marble chest. Stopping only when I reached the spot where river water met skin.

I made my way under water to his hardened cock and I quickly sucked it into my mouth. He growled and grabbed onto my hair roughly. I pulled back and licked just the head and then took him fully into my mouth again, swirling my tongue down the base I felt him hit the back of my throat and swallowed hard around him.

I loved the feel of his dick in my mouth. Japer was moaning and panting above me and I could tell he wouldn't last long if I kept up my ministrations. Heseemed to realize it too. Jasper grabbed my arms and pulled me up. I released his cock and when I resurfaced he kissed me with unadulterated passion.

He wrapped his arms around me and lifted us both out of the water. He laid me down on the grass and lay on top of me. Our lips met again in a slow sensual kiss that could have brought the world to its knees. We continued to kiss until I had to have more. The desire he was projecting towards me was unbearable and I felt myself getting harder still. I pulled back and looked deep into his eyes, "Jasper, I need to feel you inside me." I said, sounding a little breathless.

He stared into my eyes for a moment and I could hear his mental voice asking if I was sure. I nodded and leaned up to capture his lips. I felt his finger at my entrance and I tensed at first, but immediately relaxed.

He pushed his finger into me, it wasn't as painful as I had been expecting. Finding a rhythm that worked he quickly added another and began moving his fingers in a scissor motion. I moaned out, "More."

He removed his fingers and placed his cock at my entrance. I closed my eyes and felt him slowly inch by inch enter me. We both growled at the feeling of being connected. He quickly found a rhythm and I was raising my hips to me his thrust.

"Oh god Jasper, you feel so fucking good."

"Oh God Edward, I've wanted to be with you for so long." He grunted.

"I need you to fuck me harder, deeper. Please." I begged.

He pulled out and I growled at the loss. He flipped me over onto my stomach and said, "Get on your hands and knees and I want to fuck you from behind."

I moaned as his words went straight to my dick and quickly got into the position that he instructed. He thrust into me, hard and I moaned at the pleasure that I was feeling. He was pounding into me. God I never wanted to lose this feeling. He made me feel better then anyone else ever had.

"Fuck Edward, you feel so fucking good."

I squeezed my eyes closed and let the pleasure wash over me. I could feel my orgasm building and Jasper reached forward and wrapped his hand around my dick.

Sliding his hand over the tip, he began pumping my dick in pace with his movements. I felt the tightening in my balls and Jasper grunted out, "Cum with me darlin."

I felt his cum shooting in my ass as my cum shot out on the ground. I collapsed on the grass under me and he fell on top of me. Having his full weight on me was unlike anything before; he was so strong and masculine. We lay there for a few minutes and then he removed himself from me and lay on the ground beside me. I rotated so that I was on my back looking up into the sky. The night had turned back into day while we hunted and the sun was now shinning down, causing us to sparkle. What I used to think was hideous cast a glow around Jasper, illuminating him and making him more beautiful then any creature that I had ever seen in my many life times.

Turning to look at him I noticed that he was also looking at me. We lay that way, facing each other for an immeasurable amount of time. I just wanted to look into his eyes. I didn't read his thoughts, they were his and if he wanted to tell me what was on his mind, he would. It wasn't long before I could feel myself getting hard again. Sensing my need and desire, he leaned forward and captured my lips with his. I licked his lower lip and he allowed me entrance. I explored his mouth hungrily.

He rolled onto his back and pulled me with him. He leaned back and said, "It's my turn to feel you in me." he said, a devilish smirk playing across his mouth.

I looked at him unsure if he was telling me what I wanted to hear or if he really meant it. To prove his point, he grabbed my hardened cock and positioned it at his entrance. I pushed forward slowly until I was fully sheathed within his tight hole.

I groaned at the feeling of being in him. It felt so fucking amazing. Pulling back out till only my head was inside I slammed back it. It was taking all my control not to blow my load but I quickly found a rhythm and soon we were both grunting and moaning. An image flashed in my head, either from my own over active imagination or from Jasper, I wasn't sure and I didn't care, I had to see it in real life.

I pulled out and he looked at me in confusion. I lay on my back and said, "I want to see you to ride me, Cowboy."

He smirked and moved to straddle me. I positioned myself under him and he gently lowered himself onto me. Once fully sheathed inside of him we both took deep steadying breaths before he raised himself up and pushed back down. Watching him ride me was the sexiest fucking thing I have ever seen.

I moved one of my hands to his cock and began stroking him. He had his head thrown back and his eyes closed. I picked up pace cupping his balls as I felt my orgasm starting.

Jasper slammed down onto me and we both exploded at the same time. My cum flowing into him and his washing over my bare chest. Collapsing once again on me, we lay there trying to even our breathing out.

We stayed like that for a long while, allowing night to once again fall around us. I could hear the house start to come to life off in the distance and knew that Bella and Alice had returned. I knew Alice would have seen what Jasper and I had just done, but I couldn't find it in me to care. For the first time in my existence I was experiencing pure bliss.

Unfortunately, Utopia doesn't exist and we had to get dressed and go home. Home was a relative term to me. I really didn't have a home anymore. I was done with Bella, if I hadn't been sure before the hunt, I was now. Walking out of the forest with Jasper, I was shocked at the sight that met me. Bella was home, I knew that already, what I didn't expect was to find my Volvo crushed and on its top. Bella was raging about something; I couldn't get into her head so I wasn't sure what it was. I heard bits and pieces.

"Shit." I heard Jazz mumble under his breath. And an even quieter "Alice." poured out of his mouth before I figured out that Alice had told Bella about Jasper and I.

"You fucking piece of trash," Bella shouted at me. I had never heard her use such language. "You think you can cheat on me and I wouldn't know about it? I'm going to rip your fucking dick off, so that this cock sucker cant get to it." she stormed at me and turning her rage on Jasper. "I should rip you and this cheater apart. You sick fuck!" inside of a second Jasper had Bella pressed against a tree and the sight of him menacing and terrifying had my dick hard again. I knew I should jump in and stop him from tearing her to shreds but I just couldn't. I was enjoying the show too much, I mean come on, the bitch smashed my car.

"You will not talk to him like that, you filthy whore." Jasper spat. Having Jasper defend me was the sexiest thing I think I had ever seen. "You run off, abandon him and you have the audacity to sit here and act like the victim! Hell fucking no Bella! I will tear you apart before you get anywhere near him." Jasper leaned in and whispered something in her ear. Even with my vampire hearing I couldn't make out what he said. But what ever it was clearly scared Bella; her eyes went round and could have fallen out of her head. I didn't need Jasper's power to feel the fear rolling off of her.

"Glad to see we have reached an agreement." Jasper said, releasing his hold on her and stepping back.

Bella nodded once looked at me and said, " We are finished! I never want to see you again. Leave now and never come back." This bitch was starting to piss me off. Who the fuck did she think she was! This was my family, not hers. Jasper walked up to me, placed his hand on my shoulder and silently told me, this was the arrangement him and Bella had come to.

"I will take you to Alaska if that is where you still wish to go." he said in his kind southern drawl. I nodded once and climbed into Jasper's dark blue 2009 dodge charger. One last look at my family told me my life was about to change forever.

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**Al right then, that's our story. You know what to do. Click that green button and leave a review, I will be sure to send you which ever Cullen boy you want because remember reviews are like Jasper ravishing you in the woods always wanted and always needed.**


	2. Leaving me Behind

**Hey all, Jaspers Dark Angel and Jaspers Darlin Kathy here. We just wanted to thank you all for your support for this story and to inform you that this is its official home. **

**We also wanted to thank our wonderful Beta Goddesses Domwards Mistress who worked with us on the actual slash part and Cullen818 for all the grammatical stuff.**

**We don't own anything though I am sure that if we did we wouldn't be willing to share Jasper with even each other let alone all of you :P**

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Leaving me behind

I was so fucking pissed at Bella; I was having a hard time believing she had freaked out on Edward as bad as she had. She was not the injured party in this ordeal. If anything Edward was. Betrayed, not only by his wife, but Alice as well. I couldn't believe Alice had told Bella about Edward and me. Alice would have never meddled in the affairs of other people a few years ago, what the fuck had happened to this family? It had fallen apart at the seams after the Volturi had come to make sure Bella had been changed. Rose and Emmett had left only because Rosalie couldn't stand to be around Bella, at the time I thought she was just being a bitch like normal, now though, I was starting to wonder if Rose hadn't gotten it right. Emmett had only gone because of Rosalie. Emmett loved Bella like a little sister and was fiercely protective of her. I wonder what he would say if he could see her now?

Carlisle and Esme had decided to take an extended vacation, one that had so far lasted 3 years. One of them would call to let us know that they were doing well but it was all superficial. I got the feeling that there was more to their story then they were letting on but I never pressed the topic. There was no point, I was dealing with other issues and I couldn't find it in me to really care what Carlisle and Esme were up to. I had to sit back and do nothing as I watched not only my life with Alice change but Edward's and Bella's as well. Though, Bella had been a willing participant in the change while Edward had been waiting patiently for her to come back. Little did he know that she never would come back? I wasn't sure why she had been doing it but she was stepping out on him and had been for the past year. I'm pretty sure that's why she wanted to stay in Forks. She was unwilling to give up that fucking wolf. Or at least his dick!

I was still having a hard time understanding why she would choose a wolf over Edward. Edward was the most gorgeous creature in existence and no wolf could even compare to him. He was Adonis to me and to most of the female population, so why Bella would give that up I didn't want to know. I guess it didn't matter to me, it meant I had got to have him and live out a dream of mine. The only problem was I was driving him to Alaska right now. I had to drop him off with the Denali's and I didn't know if I was ready to let him go.

Bella had really done a number on his self-esteem. I could feel the sorrow and hate flowing off of him. He must be sad about what happened with Bella. I haven't been able to feel love from her for a while now, but I wasn't sure what that was about. Bella had become a heartless bitch after her change and I didn't understand it. I knew that being changed had the potential to change a person but I didn't foresee it being such a drastic change. I wondered if she blamed Edward for taking her away from the wolves. It was her fucking choice, she could have decided to go be the Dog's bitch, but it wasn't like he had imprinted on her and she knew that shit could turn sour and fast. She decided to stick with what was safe. Stupid bitch ruined this family.

Edward and I really needed to talk about this. I was sure he was feeling just as conflicted as I was. I didn't want to let him go, but I also didn't know what that meant. I had been with one other guy in my life and we never made as strong a connection as Edward and I had. Both Peter and Edward were important to me but I never felt like either of them were brothers. Emmett and I had a brotherly connection and Peter and I were best friends and each others saviors. We had both been through so much and we had saved each other from the death grip Maria had once held over us, but there was never any feelings between us. Edward was another story all together. He had been on my mind off and on since I had met him, all those years ago, but I had never stopped to analyze the attraction I had for him. Now after everything that happened I had to stop and figure out what I felt for him. It was more than sex or a release, but did I love him, was he supposed to be my mate or was he a way to get me through this stage of my life? I didn't want to think about Edward as disposable but I also couldn't see spending eternity with him as the love of my life. Though I thought Alice and I would be together for eternity and look how well that turned out. I really needed to get away from the situation and look at it with out having the object of my current desires sitting right next to me looking ready and willing.

This was going to take some serious reflecting on my part and I needed to talk to some one other then Edward about it. I really was going to have to find Peter. He always got in my head and made me see reason better then anyone I had even known. Most of the time it annoyed the crap out of me, but right now I really needed a different perspective. I wasn't happy that I would have to have this conversation with Peter, as far as I knew he wasn't as open as I was. Yes he had used the release I was willing to give him and he had repaid me but I never got the feeling he much cared for it. I had never told him that I had those kinds of feelings for Edward and now I had to lay it all out on the line just to try and make sense of it. I wish there was someone else I could talk to but really, there wasn't. I would have to go to Texas and have this talk with Peter. I silently hoped Edward would ask me to go to Alaska with him, but I knew I shouldn't go. Edward wouldn't ask me, he needed to figure this shit out on his own and I just hoped that didn't involve him banging Tanya.

"Jasper, I think we need to talk." Edward's voice broke me from my internal suffering. I looked over at him knowing he was right and not at all ready for the conversation that was about to take place.

Epov

Riding in the car with Jasper to Alaska was not what I really wanted to do. I didn't want him to leave me, but I didn't know what else to do. I could beg him to stay, but I don't know if he would.

I was afraid that I was never going to see him again. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him. What if he didn't feel the same way as I did? It would break my heart.

The silence in the car was unbearable but I could see that Jasper was lost in his thoughts as well so I decided to stay quiet for now.

I closed my eyes and thought about the way that Bella reacted to whatever Jasper had whispered to her. I couldn't find it in me to care about her being afraid. She obviously didn't love me as much as she used to, not with the way she was never around.

I was going to have to ask him what he said to her. I decided that if I was going to talk to him before we got to Alaska; I needed to do it now.

"Jasper, I think we need to talk."

He looked at me for a moment and then pulled the car off the road. I looked up and he was taking some dirt road that I had no clue was even there. After he drove for another five minutes, he finally stopped the car.

He put the car in park and turned it off. He turned to face me and said, "Yes, we do need to talk. Why don't you go first?"

I nodded and said, "Do you regret what happened between us?"

He quickly shook his head and said, "NO! I don't regret what we did. I am glad that happened. I'm only sorry about what Bella did."

I reached over and grabbed his hand. "It's okay. Alice is the one who told her. I saw it in her mind that she told Bella about the vision of the two of us together."

His eyes narrowed and he muttered, "Stupid, fucking meddling pixie. I don't know why she can't ever mind her own business."

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his in an attempt to stop his ranting about Alice. After a few seconds I pulled back, "Better?"

He smiled and said, "Much better. Thank you."

I smiled my crooked grin, "You're welcome. What did you whisper in Bella's ear that had her truly terrified?"

He turned away from me for a moment. When he finally turned back to me, he said, "I'll tell you soon enough, just not now."

"Okay. How long will it be before I see you again?" I couldn't stop the question from coming out.

He squeezed my hand and said, "I don't know, but don't worry I'll come back to you. I promise I won't be gone long and I'll miss you."

I smiled, "I'll miss you too."

He leaned towards me and I met him half way. He pressed his lips to mine in a soft kiss. When he pulled back he said, "Promise me that you'll resist the Denali sisters."

I placed my hand on his cheek and said, "I promise that I will resist them. I don't want them. The person that I want isn't even going to be there. He'll be in Texas."

He gave me a small smile and I could see the conflict in his eyes. I was starting to understand that conflict; it was the same kind that reflected behind my eyes of that I was sure. Jasper had been a good friend to me for a very long time and I didn't want to lose that, but more to the fact I didn't want to lose what we had just shared. To prove my point, I reached across the console and wrapped one of my hands around his neck and pulled his lips towards mine for a kiss like none other.

He was so soft against me and he tasted so good. Jasper's scent was sweet and tangy at the same time, like fresh baked cookies and lemons. It was completely different then Bella's freesia and lavender and I liked it better. I raked my tongue across his bottom lip and he eagerly granted me access. The sensation of our tongues touching created a feeling deep with in me that one could only explain as a purr. In that moment I wanted nothing more then to be with Jasper. Our time was limited, I knew that, but it didn't change the fact that I wanted him more then I had ever wanted anyone in my life.

Jpov

I was really glad that he had initiated the conversation. I wasn't ready to be the one that did it. I had been the one that was too weak to stay away from him in the river. I wasn't ready to continue being weak. I was trying to stay strong and deal with the fact that what Edward was about to tell me might not be what I wanted to hear.

When he had said we needed to talk all I could do was agree. Inside, my dead heart was beating a mile a minute. My head was screaming this was it; he was going to tell me he never wanted to see me again and that it meant nothing to him. I pulled off the main road and traveled down a much less used dirt path about 5 miles before I stopped. I wanted the road to be secluded in case I needed to get out. In case I couldn't handle what he was about to tell me. I was being a chicken shit and I knew it, but that didn't change the fact that I was absofuckinglutly terrified of Edward at this moment. He held everything in the palm of his hand. I had decided to take his lead on this and if he decided that this wasn't ever going to happen again, it wouldn't! It wasn't even so much that I needed it to happen again, I was worried that I would never get to see him again. That what we had done in the woods would change our friendship forever. Never being able to be Edward's friend was proving to be even more painful then never being able to kiss him again.

He must have been having some of the same thoughts because he asked if I regretted what happened. I couldn't lie, even if he regretted it, I sure as hell did not, so I told the truth. I was happy that I had finally gotten to live out one of my deepest fantasies. Being with him the most connected way had been unlike anything I had ever experienced and I wanted to do it again if I could, though I didn't tell him that.

After explaining that he had seen that Alice had told Bella about our little rendevous in the forest, just the thought of the meddling bitch of a pixie got my blood boiling. I was pissed, what gave her the right to fuck with Edward and me that way? Why couldn't she ever keep her tiny fucking nose out of it? Edward sensing my overload did something I was not expecting. He leaned over and placed his soft sweet lips on mine. He smelled so wonderful, like the fall, pumpkin and cloves with a hint of cinnamon. This kiss was slow and chastised but it was enough to calm me down. I had never experienced anything like that. I had the ability to calm anyone down but I had never met a person that could calm me with just a touch. Maybe it was the fact that the kiss meant that he didn't regret what had happened either or maybe I was reading too much into it?

He had said he wanted to see me again and that he would miss me so did that mean he wanted to be friends or something more? _Fuck, did I want to be friends or something more?_ Everything is so fucked up right now and I can't make heads or tails of it. I had to know if he was going up there for Tanya. Maybe she had been the reason he had decided to leave in the first place? Deciding that if he couldn't have Bella, at least Tanya would be a good romp. I had to know what his reasons for going to Alaska were, but how?

"Just promise me that you will resist the Denali sisters?" I had almost pleaded in my head with him, even though I knew it was doing no good. He had long since learned how to stay out of my head, for which most of the time I was grateful for. Right now I wanted into his head, just to see how he truly felt. I could feel what he was feeling but I never had the insight as to what the person's reasons for their feelings were. I was prepared to leave Edward if I had to, to give him up for good but that didn't mean I wanted too. But would I come back for him after he got out of my car? Could I bring myself back here to where this all started to go down? Where my life effectively changed? Would I really ever see Edward again after this? I had no answers for these questions.

The feel of his hand on my cheek had sent a shudder through my body, but his next words made my dead heart soar to life. "I promise that I will resist them." He had said in a soft sincere voice, "I don't want them. The person that I want isn't even going to be there. He'll be in Texas." I honestly couldn't think as I tried to process what he had just said to me. Did that mean what I thought it meant? Did that mean he wanted me? That he needed me the way I wanted and needed him. In answer to my question, Edward grabbed my head and brought me to his lips. He was everything I had dreamt and more.

This kiss was filled with unadulterated passion and I was hungry for more. Sensing what I wanted, he pulled me into his lap. I felt his erection against my thigh.

I ground my hips into his hardened cock and he groaned into my mouth.

Epov

Having Jasper sitting in my lap grinding against my erection was almost too much. He unbuttoned my shirt and pushed it off my shoulders, without ever breaking our kiss. I reached for the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up.

We broke our kiss long enough for me to get his shirt off. He attacked my lips with fervor and forced his tongue into my mouth.

He moved his kisses down my neck and to my chest. He licked one of my nipples and I hissed at the sensation. He pushed my seat back and dropped down to his knees.

He quickly unbuttoned my pants and released my dick from my boxers. I watched as he licked his lips before sliding just the head into his mouth. I gripped the edge of the seat to keep from forcing his head down onto my cock.

He wrapped his lips around my shaft and took as much into his mouth as he could. What didn't fit, he wrapped his hand around and began pumping in time with his mouth.

He used his free hand to grab my balls and massage them. I moaned at the feelings that this man was inducing in me. He picked up the pace and I could feel my orgasm fast approaching.

"Oh god Jasper, that feels so fucking good."

He hollowed out his cheeks and created this delicious vacuum around my cock. He grazed me with his teeth and that was all it took. I moved my hands to his hair to hold him still as I shot my cum down his throat.

He drank every drop that I offered and when he was finished he released me from his mouth. He looked up at me from under his lashes and smiled.

I pulled him back into my lap and kissed him on the lips. He leaned back and looked at me, "That's so you'll remember me."

My brows furrowed in confusion, "Jasper, I'll never forget you. I just hope that you don't forget me and that you come back to me."

He smiled, "I'll come back to you, I promise. I guess we should get going."

I slowly nodded, I didn't want to let him leave, but I knew it was for the best. At least it would be for the best for a little while.

Jasper climbed back into his seat and I handed him his shirt. I put my clothes back on and so did he. He started the car and turned around to head back to the highway. After a few more minutes of driving we were back on the main road heading towards Denali.

Not long after we got back on the road, we were pulling up into their driveway. Jasper stopped the car and I turned to look at him.

He reached for my hand and squeezed, "I'm going to miss you Edward."

"I'm going to miss you too, Jasper. Take care of yourself and I look forward to when you come back."

He smiled and I turned and climbed out of the car. I watched as he drove away and the fear of him not coming back was almost unbearable. I had to have faith that he would come back. If he didn't come back, though, I would go to him.

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	3. The Choice is Yours

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Chapter 3

The Choice is Yours

As I drove away I glanced in the rearview mirror just once and what I saw was enough to break my heart. The pained look on Edward's face as I drove down the driveway took my breath away. As I rounded the corner, just before Edward was out of my sight, I saw Tanya descend upon him. I didn't have to be an empath to know what she was feeling and I was sure Edward knew exactly what she was thinking.

The thought of Tanya's hands on Edward sent a shiver of jealousy through me and it took all of my strength not to go back and rip them off her body. I didn't know where this sudden surge of jealousy came from and it was starting to unnerved me. I knew Edward was important to me, but I guess the question was just how important was he? Why did the thought of him being with Tanya turn my stomach? Why did the thought of anyone but me touching him make my heart ache? What the hell did all of this mean and what the hell was I going to do about it?

I knew now that I would have to stay away from him. I needed this to go away. He wasn't feeling the same way and if I couldn't get rid of these feelings then I needed to stay away. It was good that he was with the Denali's, maybe he could find the right girl for him with their help. Because I knew that I wasn't the right person for him. He needed someone kind and caring, a gentle soul like himself. He did not need a monster. A ruthless, heartless, soulless bastard like me. If there was a heaven and hell and creatures like us had an afterlife, I would find my ass right next to the devil himself while Edward would be up in the clouds with wings talking to the big guy himself. He didn't need me in his life, no one does. I brought nothing but pain to the family. They all had to look out for me because I couldn't control my bloodlust, I brought down the whole family, making them leave when they didn't want to and yet somehow they all forgave me. Even Edward. Now that one surprised me, I tried to eat the love of his life and he forgave me for it. Alice was the one that wouldn't get past it. She said she was tired of trying to keep me under control, that I was a burden on her and it was stressing her out to keep track of whether or not I would attack a human. That was really the beginning of the end of Alice and me. I couldn't take the look in her eyes and the feel of her emotions, so I left for a while.

I had thought that leaving then, when I still had all of my family around and for the most part being supportive of me was hard, that there would never be anything I would do that would be harder for me, but I was wrong. Leaving Edward behind was much harder then leaving Alice and the rest of the family. Maybe it was because Edward was the only one I still really had contact with. Maybe I was finding it easy to leave all of the others behind because they were already gone. Sure I missed Emmett and, to a lesser extent, Rosalie. I missed Carlisle and Esme like crazy, they were the parents I never had. But they had been gone for a while now so it wasn't like I was really missing anything. Alice could go jump in a fire for all I cared and preferably take Bella with her. I was glad to be rid of both of them and the damn wolves. They were a bigger pain in the ass then they were worth. I wasn't sure if it was Jacob that Bella had been fucking considering he imprinted shortly after she was turned, but that didn't change the fact that they were part of the reason that this family went to shit. We never should have stayed in Forks, we never should have made that treaty and we should have done away with the lot of them when they started shifting again. It would have saved us all a lot of pain, and I fucking should have drained the bitch when I had the chance.

For what she had done to this family I wanted to see her burn. I would love to be the one to set the fire and watch as that stupid head of hers was engulfed in flames. She's not even that pretty, I never understood what Edward saw in her other than her scent and now that there is no blood flowing through her I couldn't see the appeal.

I wished I knew what I was going to be walking into once I got to Peter. Peter always ran so hot and cold. I never knew what kind of mood he would be in once I saw him. His emotions were always so hard for me to read as well. After what felt like days of riding in the car, I pulled up at his ranch.

He came walking out the door and smiled when he saw me. He was happy to see me, he wouldn't be happy for long, that I was sure of. I parked my car and climbed out. He walked towards me and pulled me into a hug. I clapped him on the back and he released me. He took a step back and finally looked at me, "What the fuck happened to you Jasper? You look like shit man."

"It's nice to fucking see you too, Peter."

He shrugged, "I didn't say it wasn't nice to see you, I just said you looked like shit and I want to know what happened. Now let's go inside so we can talk."

I sighed and we walked into his house. The house was a simple one-story ranch with 3 bedrooms. Peter and Charlotte lived a simple life, unlike the Cullen's. I always seemed to fit better with Peter and Charlotte's way of living then I did with the Cullen's, but I like the diet better with the Cullen's, so I dealt with their over the top way of life and learned to indulge. I looked around and wondered where his wife was. "Where's Charlotte?"

He smiled, "She's in town getting some supplies. She wants to redecorate one of the bedrooms. You know how she is, just needs something to do." The life of a vampire could get tedious that I understood all too well.

I nodded; she had always been like that. She wasn't anywhere near as crazy as Alice, but she liked to stay busy and dabbling in decorating had made her happy. We went into the living room and sat on the couch. He turned to face me expectantly and waited for me to tell him what was wrong. Apparently he just expected me to come out with it.

I could feel his irritation, like I said he was always hard to read so the fact that I could feel the irritation meant it was really strong. He clearly already knew some of what was going on, he just wanted to fucking hear me say it. Finally he had enough, "Jasper, fucking tell me man. I know something's wrong. I can see it in your eyes. Now, I know you came here because you need me to help, but how the fuck am I supposed to help if you don't fucking tell me?"

I glared at him, he knew he was pushing my buttons and it was starting to piss me off. I didn't need to be pushed, too much shit has happened in the past two days for me to hold onto my control much longer. Sometimes he could be such a fucking dick. "What the fuck is your problem? You're right, I did come here because I needed your help, but stop being a fucking dick."

He rolled his eyes and waited, with a looks of expectance on his face and my hand twitched just wanting to smack the look off his face. However, instead of acting on impulse, I took a deep breath and started, "Alice and I are no longer together, haven't been for a while and IsleptwithEdward." I knew saying it fast wasn't going to stop him from understanding, but it was worth a try.

He narrowed his eyes, "You did what? I'm not quite sure I caught that." He said in a condescending tone, knowing full well he had heard correct. He sighed sensing I wasn't going to repeat myself and continued talking, "Isn't he with Bella?"

"Not anymore. She's been sleeping with Alice and a wolf, I just don't know which wolf."

"So what? You fuck Edward to even things up?"

"No, Peter that is not what I did."

"Really Jasper? I'm not so fucking sure. It sounds to me like that is exactly what you did."

"That is not what I fucking did. You make it sound like I just fucked him and then left."

He arched a brow at me. Fuck, why did I say that? That is exactly what I fucking did and I knew it. But he wanted me to leave didn't he? Wasn't that why he hadn't asked me to stay with him in Alaska? Wasn't that why he still went to Denali? Edward needed me gone almost as much as I need to be gone. But it didn't change the fact that I would have stayed had he asked me. Peter was pissed; I could feel his anger for me. We stared at each other for a moment before his anger doubled and he punched me right in the fucking jaw.

I jumped off the couch. "What the fuck did you punch me for?"

He jumped up and crouched down, "What do you think I punched you for? I'm fixing to kick your ass for fucking around with Edward like that. As if he didn't have enough to deal with finding out his wife is cheating on him."

"He doesn't know she cheated on him with Alice. I haven't told him yet." I didn't get to say anything else because he lunged for me. I quickly moved out of his way. I didn't want to fight with him. I couldn't make heads or tails as to why Peter was so angry. It's not like I hurt him. It's not like it was him that got screwed. It was my heart that was hurting, not his. I knew what I had done and I was trying to live with it. Kicking the shit out of me wasn't going to get him anywhere. I needed to talk to him, to have him listen. To be the ever cryptic all knowing fuck that he was. I needed that Peter right now, not attack mode Peter.

He lunged at me a few more times and I sidestepped him, finally he ended up catching me and sending me to the ground in a blur of fists. We were punching each other and rolling around on the floor. We probably looked really stupid too. I had enough; he was really pissing me off. Getting my feet tucked under me and firmly planted on his chest I threw him through the door and jumped up. Peter should know better than to let me get that kind of leverage.

I knew Charlotte would be pissed, but I didn't give a fuck about that right now. I would pay for the fucking door anyway. I went outside, grabbed him by the throat and pinned him to a tree.

"I don't want to fight. I want to talk. I need your help Peter." I said glaring at him. He nodded and I released him. He fell to the ground in a crumpled heap. "You should know better than to attack me," I said, "I was the one who trained you, or have you forgotten?" I asked with a slight sneer to my voice. "Now get your ass up, I need your advice."

Peter stood up, gave me a stupid smirk and dusted himself off. "Jasper, man, what the hell happened? And how could you be so stupid as to leave him with the Denali's? Tanya is going to eat Edward alive." I inhaled sharply; the thought of Edward with Tanya was painful. Peter stopped in his tracks. "Oh my God," He said looking at me with shock in his eyes. I didn't know what he had seen or why he was looking at me that way but I knew that look. Something big happened and I wasn't sure what it was in relation to. "This I didn't see coming. I knew you and Alice wouldn't make it, but this, this I didn't see." I rolled my eyes. He was even more cryptic and uninformative then the damned pixie. I could never get a straight answer out of him. Why did I think that this time would be any different?

"What didn't you see coming Peter?" I asked unable to keep the contempt out of my voice. He looked at me and his red eyes flashed dangerously.

He smiled widely, "Don't make me kick your ass Jasper Whitlock, because I will. And this time I won't let you win. But all kidding aside Jasper, this is big. You have some serious decisions to make." His kidding tone had disappeared and was replaced by a somber serious tone. Even his mood had shifted. It unnerved me, Peter had always been more laid back then me and hearing him speak in such a serious tone was not something that happened often. When it did I knew enough about his intuitions to shut the hell up and listen to what he has to say.

"Peter, I know I have a big decision to make, I'm just not sure what that decision is." I sighed; it was true I knew I had a decision to make I just didn't know what it was. I had to make up my mind on where I wanted this thing with Edward to go. Do I want to go back to him? To see him again, to be with him as a lover? Or do I stay away and remain long distance friends? Did I think I could actually stay away from him? Could I live without him? Did I want to live without him?

"You're right, you don't understand. The path you and Edward are on right now can only end in pain. But the question is; whose pain?" What kind of a question is that? Is he telling me that if Edward and I continue this relationship that one of us will be hurt? What the fuck was this man talking about? "Jasper, Alice and Bella are not about to sit back and watch you two be happy. Something has changed in them, I'm not sure why or what caused it. This change was not for the better, that I am sure of and they won't let what happened go. No matter what Bella promised you she wouldn't go after Edward, if given the chance, she will rip you both apart." I had already known that Alice and Bella were different. You didn't need to be a genius to see that. Alice and Bella had always been such sweet, kind, and loving people. I had watched as Alice slowly changed from her happy, peppy bubbly self to a vindictive spiteful controlling bitch. Bella had changed overnight. One minute she is madly in love with Edward, would do anything for him, including become a child of the damned and then once the transformation is complete, a crazy psychotic bitch is born. So my decision had to weigh not only the options for Edward and me but for Bella and Alice as well? That fucking sucked. I just wanted to be rid of them for good. To move on with my life and get the fuck away from the lying, cheating back stabbing pair. But no! Peter was telling me that Bella and Alice would come after us based on my decision. So did that mean that Edward had already made his decision? What decision would make them come after me? How could I stay away from them once I made my choice? Alice, the all seeing pixie bitch that she is would know instantly and you just can't get away from her visions, trust me I spent the better part of 60 years trying.

"Jasper, you need to choose who deserves to be happy. What you and Edward have could be amazing, but to get it, it's going to be tough. You and him will be put through a few fires but if you both can make it through and together, the two of you will know happiness like none other. So you need to figure out what you want Jasper. How happy do you want to be? How important is Edward's happiness and just how important to you is his life?" He said all of this with one hand on my shoulder looking deep into my eyes. And once his little speech was over, Peter was gone. _How could he ask me that? Put all of that on my shoulders and just fucking walk away._ Edward's life and happiness meant more to me then my own. But what choice would insure that his happiness and life remained intact?

PPOV

As I walked away from Jasper, I couldn't help but wonder if he was going to make the right decision. He needed to be careful because if he didn't choose right, I didn't know who will end up in pain, but I did know that it wouldn't be pretty.

As I was walking in the woods behind my house I couldn't help but think about when Jasper and I were together, it had never meant anything but sex. That's all it was between us. A release, nothing more. I knew he cared for me the way I care for him, we never loved each other and it was never about a relationship, I loved my wife.

I stopped by a tree and slouched down to the ground. I closed my eyes and I couldn't stop the flashback that flashed before my eyes. I saw everything like it was yesterday; it was the first time that we had been together. I think the first time was an accident, it wasn't supposed to happen, but our emotions got the better of us.

We had just finished hunting and we were on our way home. We cut through the woods to get to my house and a strange feeling wept over me, suddenly I was feeling lust and desire for Jasper. As I was watching him run all I could think about was having his legs wrapped around my waist as I thrust my dick into his tight puckered hole.

Jasper stopped running and turned to me with an arched brow. "Can you put those emotions away until you get to Charlotte?"

I smirked he just didn't realize those emotions were for him. I walked towards him and looked him in the eyes, "I wasn't thinking about Charlotte."

His brows knitted together, "Who were you thinking about then?"

I took a step closer to him and whispered, "You." I didn't wait for him to respond, I crushed my lips to his and he actually responded by kissing me back. I honestly thought he would throw me off him and kick my ass.

I pulled him closer to me and kissed him for all I was worth. I licked his lower lip and he allowed me entrance to explore his mouth. I groaned into the kiss and pulled him even closer.

I could feel he was as hard as I was. I ran my hands down his chest and when I reached the hem of his shirt, I pulled it up and we broke the kiss long enough for me to remove the offending garment. I attacked his lips again and walked him backwards to a tree.

I pressed my body as close to his as it would go and ground my hips into him. He moaned into my mouth and I broke away from the kiss only to lick and nibble on his neck and collarbone. I was so fucking hard that I thought my dick was going to explode.

I ran my fingers down his exposed chest until I reached his jeans. I quickly unbuttoned them and pushed his pants and boxers down. I had been with a man before, well a few times before, so I knew what I was doing. I dropped to my knees and licked the head of his glorious dick. It was long and thick and I knew it wouldn't all fit in my mouth.

He hissed and closed his eyes as I took as much of him as I could into my mouth. I wrapped my hand around the shaft and quickly found my rhythm. His hands grasped my hair and he began to gently fuck my mouth. I grabbed his balls with my free hand and rolled them and when I gave them a little tug he exploded in my mouth. I swallowed every bit that he offered me and he tasted so fucking delicious.

I released him from my mouth and stood back up only to be pulled in for a kiss. This kiss was so different from our first kiss. This kiss was not of passion, want and need it was more of a thank you. He was putting his appreciation into the kiss. I broke away from the kiss and made him turn so that his back was against my chest. I whispered in his ear, "I want to fuck you. Will you let me?"

I pressed my erection into his ass and he moaned. I quickly unbuttoned my jeans and pushed them, along with my boxers, down to my feet. I got my finger as wet with venom as I could and rubbed his entrance. He gasped and tried to move away, but I pulled him back and my finger slipped in. I pushed my finger in and out over and over and he began to moan. I added another finger and moved them in a scissor motion to help stretch him.

I removed my fingers and stroked my dick a few times. I pressed him up against the tree and spread his legs as wide as they would go. I licked the back of his neck, "Are you ready for me to fuck you?"

He nodded and I placed my dick at his entrance. I held him to me and slowly entered his tight hole. He grabbed onto the tree and squeezed his eyes closed. I continued to push into him until I was fully sheathed. Oh it felt unfuckingbelievable being inside Jasper. I thrust slowly at first, but it wasn't long before he was begging me to go faster.

I pulled out of him and he whimpered. I pulled him down onto the ground with me and he looked at me in question, "Lie down on your back." He quickly lay down and I moved to lie above him. I pushed my dick into him once more and began fucking him as fast and hard as I could. It was a good thing he was a vampire because if not I would have hurt him.

I grabbed his legs and wrapped them around my waist and I began hitting his prostate with each thrust. He squeezed my biceps and grunted, "Fuck Peter, that fucking feels so fucking good. Oh god, fuck."

His dick was hard again and trapped between us. I could feel my orgasm approaching so I reached between us and grabbed his cock and began stroking it in time with my thrusts. I knew I wasn't going to last much longer and I could tell that he wouldn't either. I began fucking him in earnest, going faster and deeper and we both shuddered with our release.

I collapsed onto his chest and we were both panting, trying to catch our unnecessary breath. After what seemed like forever, Jasper said, "What the fuck did we just do?"

I raised my head and looked at him, "I believe what we just did would be called fucking."

He shoved me off of him and said, "We shouldn't have done that. You're married for fucks sake. What will Charlotte say when she finds out?"

"You just let me deal with Charlotte, she won't be mad. Now are you sorry that we fucked?"

He looked at me for a moment, thinking over his answer, "No. Are you?"

I shook my head, "No and I wouldn't mind doing it again."

He smirked, "When do I get to fuck you?"

I couldn't help but give him a smirk in return, "You can fuck me whenever you are ready to. I might enjoy it."

He grinned and nodded, "I guess we should get home now." I nodded and we quickly got dressed. When I told Charlotte she wasn't mad at all in fact she was okay with it so long as she wasn't around when we had sex. That was fine by me since I didn't exactly want a fucking audience.

I'm brought back from my memories by none other than the man I was thinking about. He was standing in front of me and looking at me with a puzzled expression on his face. I arched a brow, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"What the fuck are you out here thinking about? You got me feeling lust, desire, want, need."

I smirked, "I was just reliving some memories."

He rolled his eyes, "Whatever Peter. When are you going to stop being so fucking cryptic and tell me what I need to do?"

I stood up and looked him in the eyes, "I can't tell you what to do. You know that."

"It would be better than you're fucking cryptic answers. At least I would know what the fuck was going to happen. I don't want to make the wrong decision."

"Jasper let me explain something to you. Sometimes the wrong decision turns out to be the right decision to make. I will not tell you what to do, but I will tell you this. The Alice and Bella you thought you knew doesn't even fucking compare to the Alice and Bella you might run into. Think about what I said before about the pain that someone will endure and go from there. I'm here for you my friend, no matter what your decision."

I turned and ran back to the house. I knew I was being cryptic, but it wasn't right to tell him which way to choose. He had to figure this out on his own and I knew he would; he just needed to decide how much Edward's life meant to him.

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	4. What do I do now?

We want to thank our beta Cullen818 for her awesomeness and we want to give much love to our guest beta's MegaraMegumi for the grammar crap that keeps yall from hitting us and PolkaDotMama for her help in the slash parts of it. We love them both and they both have amazing stories so go fucking read them!

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What do I do now?

EPOV

Watching Jasper drive away was so hard. Why was watching him leave so painful? _God, is this what Bella felt like when I left her all those years ago? _ I felt like my heart was breaking.

What does that even mean? Surely he can't be feeling the same thing right now. Tanya walked up to me, "Edward, what's wrong?"

I turned to her with the sadness that I felt in my eyes and shook my head. I couldn't even begin to explain what I felt to myself, let alone put it into words for someone else to understand. She took a step closer to me, "Are you okay? What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I didn't wait for her to respond; I took off running through the woods and didn't stop until I reached a small clearing. I collapsed on the ground and put my head in my hands.

What was I going to do? I cheated on Bella, my wife, and not even with another female, no, a man. No wonder she flipped, I would have flipped too had I been in her situation. But she had been gone, and I didn't know what she had been doing. She would never cheat on me, would she? I didn't even know anymore. That didn't make it any better, and it certainly didn't justify it, but it eased my heart all the same. If she really cared about me she wouldn't have been gone so much. If Bella had been around, this would have never happened. I would have never needed the release that Jasper gave me, and I would have never found myself in this situation. _Great now I was blaming the innocent party in all of this._

This wasn't Bella's fault, no matter how much I wanted to blame her for her constant disappearing act, I couldn't. Had I been a stronger man, had I not been selfish, this would never have happened. I should have never given into my desires, but I did. And now there is this gaping hole inside my chest. But was it for the loss of Bella or for the loss of Jasper? In all honesty, I had lost Bella, when she was turned, almost three years ago. So why was I just now starting to feel this hole inside me? What did it all mean?

I didn't know what to do or who to talk to. I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them. I rested my chin on the top of my knee and waited. I could hear him coming, I could hear his thoughts running a mile a minute, trying to decide whether he should come and talk to me or not. He was no fool. He knew I needed my space but he also knew I needed someone to talk to, and then just like that, his mind was made up and he was sitting next to me.

I turned to look at him, as far as fatherly figures go, Eleazar was the next best thing to Carlisle I had. "What happened Edward? I've never seen you like this." His voice was low and laced with concern.

I sighed, might as well get this over with. I had just asked for someone to talk to hadn't I? "I'm so confused. I don't know what to do or why I'm feeling the way that I am."

"What are you talking about?"

"I cheated on Bella," I said in barely a whisper.

I knew he heard me because even his thoughts were in shock. When he finally was able to regain control of himself he nodded, "With whom?"

"If I tell you, you're only going to flip the way she did and I don't need that right now."

"Edward, I am your friend. I will not flip out on you. I will be here for you. Now tell me, so I can help."

I looked away from him, "Jasper."

"Oh, wait do you mean that the two of you had sex and then you let him leave?"

I looked at him once more, "What? Yes we had sex, and yes I let him leave. What does that have to do with anything?"

"You really are confused, aren't you? Don't you get it; you're confused because you have feelings for him."

I gave him that 'you're fucking kidding me' look, "Really? Of course I care for him, but why would that be leaving me confused?"

He sighed, "When are you going to really look at the situation? You didn't just have sex with him for no reason, right?"

"No, it was because, well, we were both looking for a release. That's all."

He scoffed, "You don't believe that, and neither do I."

I narrowed my eyes, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you love him, Edward. And before you even say it, not just because he's family; I mean you actually love him, and that is what has you so conflicted."

I thought about what Eleazar said. _Could it be true? Do I love him? Is that why it was so hard to watch him leave? Is that what this feeling was? Is that why it hurts so bad to think that I may never see him again?"_

"Edward, I want you to listen to me. If you love him, like I think you do, then you need to figure out what you want and soon. What if he's the one for you? Are you going to let him get away? What if the two of you are soul mates? Are you going to let that slip through your fingers?"

"What am I going to do?" I wasn't so much as asking him, but I hoped he had an answer.

"The only thing you can do; decide if you can live without him. If your answer is no, then go after him. But if your answer is yes, then you still need to go to him and explain your feelings on the relationship between the two of you."

I nodded, "I've never done anything like this before."

He looked at me clearly confused, "Done what, Edward?"

"Been with a man; what if that's why I'm so confused?"

"You probably are confused because you've never been with a man, but deep down, you know you're confused because it hurt to watch him leave."

"It did hurt to watch him leave, and what's worse is that it hurts thinking that I might never see him again."

"That's because you love him. You just need to accept that and once you do, you'll see the same thing that I see."

I arched a brow, "And exactly, what is it that you see?"

"That you want to be with him. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll go after him. And the sooner that you two will be together, where you belong."

He stood up and began walking away. I read his thoughts, _'Follow your heart Edward. It will lead you to him. Don't let love get away from you. Bella wasn't the one for you, but I believe Jasper is. Go to him."_

And then he began to run, stopping his thoughts to me. I closed my eyes and pictured Jasper's face. Did I love him? Could I live without him? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I didn't want to live without him and I thought maybe, maybe I did love him. _What am I going to do?_

I wondered what he was doing right now. I wondered if he was thinking about me. Did he love me? Did he want to be with me? Shouldn't these questions be easy to answer? Why didn't I just try to read his thoughts before I let him leave?

_You know why you didn't read his thoughts. What if he said something that you didn't want to hear?_

What if he said something that I did want to hear? Huh?

_Great, now you're talking to yourself. I wonder what Jasper would think about that?_

Shut up. I need to think.

_By all means, please do think. You just let me know when you figure it out._

You are my conscious; you are going to know when I make the decision. I sighed, what was I going to do? Well, at least my mental voice finally shut up. I stood up and took off running further into the forest.

I found a buck, quickly took it down, and drained it. When I was finished, I buried the carcass and when I turned I spotted a mountain lion. _Hmm my favorite._ I ran after the beast, and it turned towards me and growled. I couldn't help but growl back. I jumped onto the cats back and took it down.

I snapped its neck and let my teeth sink through its skin. I greedily drink from the animal until there wasn't any left. I buried the carcass and started walking back to the Denali home. I was in no hurry to get back there. I honestly didn't think I could handle any of the Denali sisters' bullshit.

I walked as slow as humanly possible with my hands stuffed in my pockets. If anybody saw me right now, they would probably think that I looked defeated. That was how I felt. I felt completely and utterly defeated. I couldn't lose him; I had to go after him.

I started running, and before I knew it I was back at the Denali home. I walked in, and Tanya walked up to me. I couldn't help but mentally groan, though surprisingly her thoughts were only of wanting to help me and not physically, but emotionally. She could see that I was hurting.

She stopped right in front of me, grabbed one of my hands and in the most sincere voice I had ever heard her use told me, "Edward, I don't know what happened to you, but whatever it is; I'm sorry. I'll only be your friend, nothing more, but please don't shut me out. Talk to me, let me help."

I gave her a small smile and walked into the living room with her behind me. I sat on the couch with her sitting next to me. "Where is everyone else at?"

She shrugged, "They're around, not too far I'm sure. What's wrong Edward?"

Where did I start? Should I tell her about Jasper and I? How much should I divulge? I don't even really know what's going on. I really should talk to someone about it, but is Tanya the right person to talk to this about? She has been lusting after me for almost 100 years and so far she hadn't gotten the hint. Maybe if she knew that Jasper could be my mate, maybe if she thought I was gay, she would learn or at least understand that I have never and could never love her. But I should probably answer a really important question before I tell her about Jasper.

Was I really gay, or was it just Jasper? I had never felt anything for any other man, but I had never really felt anything for another female until Bella, so I wasn't even sure that theory worked for me. Rosalie and Tanya never appealed to me, but Emmett and Carlisle never did anything for me either. Jasper was always the only man that had ever held my attention. I had no idea that I had held that same attention for him. He was always so good at hiding things from me. Even Alice couldn't keep things from me like Jasper could. I had no idea what he had told Bella to stop her from attacking us a few days ago, and I badly wanted to know. Bella was a totally different person after she was changed, and I blamed the dogs. They abandoned her after she was turned. Jacob claimed to love her but the minute she was a "bloodsucker" the filthy mongrel turned his back on her.

She must blame me for the betrayal she felt at having her best friend turn his back on her. I didn't blame her, that's why I was so willing to let her do her own thing and hang out with Alice whenever she wanted. Those two were thick as thieves, and I couldn't understand the malice Alice was suddenly showing not only to Jasper but to me as well. I had never done anything to her, she and I had always been the closest of the family, and now it seemed she wanted nothing to do with me. It was painful to think about. She and Bella had always been my best friends and now I didn't have either of them. I didn't even have Jasper right now. He was dealing with his own things, and Peter was helping him do that. I wished I could help him but clearly I wasn't the one he needed. But he was the one I needed. I must have been silent longer then Tanya liked because she poked me to get my attention.

"Seriously Edward, what's going on? You can talk to me. Why did Jasper drop you off? Where is Bella?" Well, I could always deny what I was about to tell her if she told anyone.

"Bella and I are no longer together. I don't know where she is, and right now, I am having a hard time caring about anything but Jasper leaving." There I said it out loud.

"What does Jasper have to do with all of this?" It was a legit question; one I wasn't sure how to truly answer. What could I say? I slept with Jasper in the biblical sense of the word? That I committed the most basic of atrocities that a married man could commit? I had cheated on Bella and it wasn't even with another woman. This relationship with Jasper was everything that the bible talked about that was wrong. But did I really think it was wrong? A resounding NO echoed in my head. I had my answer.

"I cheated on Bella," I told her, in an ashamed tone, so quiet that even with her vampire hearing she had a hard time understanding what I said. There was a stunned silence in the wake of this confession, and I opened my mind up to hers. I needed to know what she was thinking but couldn't get a hold of her thoughts, they were moving too fast and she was practically shouting. I knew I needed to elaborate, if not for her to understand, but for me to get it off my chest.

Taking a deep UN-needed breath I continued, "With Jasper." The little glass knick-knack Tanya had picked up without my notice fell to the floor and smashed into a million pieces. I turned to look at her, I didn't want into her mind again. I needed her to tell me out loud what she was thinking and how she was feeling. "Tanya, tell me what you're thinking. I need to hear you say it. All of it."

"Give me a minute Edward, I am having a hard time putting the pieces together." I nodded she could have as much time as she wanted, but I really needed someone's opinion. Well, someone other then Eleazar, who gives good advice, but is a bit cryptic. I need honest to god straight forward, knocks you on your ass with its bluntness advice, and Tanya was the one to give this to me.

"Edward, do you still love Bella?" No one had bothered to ask me that question.

"No!" The answer shocked not only me but her as well. If I was being honest with myself, I hadn't loved Bella in about two years. My admission stunned Tanya once again into silence. She sure was slow on the processing today.

"So let me get this right, you slept with Jasper, and you don't love Bella any more?" I nodded there was no point in re-stating everything. "Do you love Jasper?"

Why did that question make my stomach clench? Did I love Jasper? Was that what all this was about? I had only ever loved Bella, so I wasn't really sure what I was feeling for Jasper. I wished Jasper were here; he could help me understand what I was feeling. It's hard to know that the one person I wanted around more than anything and could probably help me understand what was going on was the one person that had just walked out of my life.

"I don't know Tanya. I wish I did. It would make this all so much easier, if I could just figure out how I felt about Jasper. I am still new to this love thing, Bella was my first, and I thought, my last. Then there is Jasper. He is so different, and just the thought of him makes my stomach flutter. I wish I knew what all of this meant."

"Edward, it's hard to see what's right in front of you sometimes. I don't remember much about my human life, mostly because I have tried very hard over the years to forget. But I confused love a lot. Hell, I still do. It's not easy to figure out what you're feeling, but having an empath for a boyfriend should help you. I think I was in love once, before I was changed, but that didn't turn out very well."

I had never heard Tanya talk about her human life. She had always kept that part of her mind closed off, and I figured it was because it was too painful for her to relive. I had always assumed Tanya was a slut because she was a succubus, but suddenly I wasn't so sure.

"Would you tell me what you remember of your human life?" I asked, unable to stop. Tanya shook her head; she wasn't ready to relive what ever had happened to her all those years ago. I was fine with that. "Do you wish you could find love?" Tanya exhaled deeply and nodded.

"Sometimes I really do. To come home to the same man every day, to spend the rest of my days with the one person I want more than anything, sounds like it could be such a nice thing. But it's just a fairy tale. Girls like me, don't get happily ever after. Sure we get awesome sex and lots of gifts, but the guys never stick around. I'm just a good fuck to them, and that's all they want."

She didn't see herself the way other people saw her that much was clear. Sure I had never been attracted to her, but that didn't mean I didn't find her to be gorgeous. Her strawberry blond curls hung down to her waist and her face was soft and smooth. Her cheekbones were prominent in the way that we could see them but she didn't look like a skeleton. Her button nose fit perfectly on her face and her lips were smooth and well defined. She was as pretty, if not more so, than Rosalie. I was surprised to hear that she thought so lowly of herself.

"Edward, if you have a chance at happiness with Jasper, I think you should go after it. I don't know much about love, but it's not something that everyone gets to feel, so when you do, keep it for as long as you can. You need to decide if Jasper is the one you love. Until you do that, nothing I say will help."

I nodded. "Thank you, Tanya. I will think about what you said and try to figure out if I love him. You deserve love too, and you will find it one day."

I smiled and patted her hand. She gave me a small smile in return. I stood up; I didn't want to talk to anyone about this anymore. I wanted to wash the stink of this day off of me. I needed to wash away my betrayal and my sorrow. But mostly I needed to think. So I made my way up the stairs and into the bathroom. I stripped out of my clothing and turned on the shower, making it as hot as possible, just so it could maybe warm my icy skin a little.

Climbing under the steamy spray, I couldn't help but imagine that Jasper was in the shower with me. I could almost feel his hands on me, his lips sucking on my neck and his hand grabbing my aching cock. I trailed my hand down my chest until I reached my dick. I wrapped my hand around my enlarged member and began stroking; it felt good, but not nearly as good as if it were actually his hands on my dick.

The images of Jasper stroking my cock soon turned to images of him taking me into his mouth. I groaned at the thought of Jasper's wet mouth wrapped around my cock, and I picked up the pace. I bucked my hips and thrust my cock into my hand. Images of me fucking his mouth popped into my head as I increased my pace even more, my climax approaching fast.

Oh, I could just imagine pulling him up by his arms and spinning him around, pinning him to the shower wall, running my finger along his entrance. I could hear him moaning, begging me to fuck him. I moaned at the thought of thrusting my dick into his ass, fucking him in the shower. I squeezed my cock tightly and continued to thrust into my hand imagining that it was Jasper's ass. I could feel the tightening in my balls and I rested one arm on the wall and thrust faster into my hand, grunting and groaning. I closed my eyes and could practically hear him saying, 'Fuck Edward, you feel so fucking good. God darlin, I'm going to cum.' I growled as my cum spurted out on the wall and floor of the shower. I released my cock and rested my head on the wall, steadying my breath. I quickly finished my shower and climbed out to put on some fresh clothes. I went into the spare bedroom and sat on the windowsill looking out into the forest. I didn't know how long I sat there thinking about Jasper, but the more I thought about him, the more I missed him. The more I wanted him back; to feel him in my arms, to look into his eyes, to touch him, to kiss him, to tell him I loved him. Oh god, I loved him, my stomach clenched at the thought. I knew it was true, that I loved him.

It all happened so fucking fast, how in three days could everything about my life change? How is it possible that I had found someone other than Bella to love? Someone who had been under my nose for the better part of sixty years! What if he didn't love me back? No, I wouldn't think like that. I had to tell him that I loved him, even if he didn't love me. He had a right to know how I felt. I just had to figure out when I was going to tell him. I knew it wouldn't be long before I told him, because I missed him more and more with each second that he was away from me.

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Alright, you know what to do. Review and get a teaser wrapped in Jasper or Edward... Because Reviews are like Edward...erm Jasper...BOTH in the shower NAKED! Always wanted and Always needed.


	5. There’s got to be somebody out there for

**We want to apologize for not updating in almost two months. Writers block is a BITCH, we want to thank Zulfiqar for helping us kick the block. But hopefully we have kicked writer blocks ass and we will be updating sooner.**

**This chapter has not beta'd as our Beta is on vacay. If you find spelling or grammar issues please PM us and we will gladly fix the issues. We request that you don't put our corrections in a review thanks.**

**Alright enjoy.**

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There's got to be somebody out there for me

Chapter 5

A week had gone by since I had talked to Peter about the situation with Edward. In that week I had done nothing but think about all the things Peter had talked about and all the consequences that could come from either of my choices.

Edward's life depended on the decisions I was supposed to make, yeah no pressure there. Peter remained the ever stoic, cryptic bastard, never giving me more information then he already had.

I wished I knew what the right thing to do was. Which choice would save Edward's life? If I willingly gave up on him he could, maybe, go back to Bella. Maybe put his life back together. Even if he didn't go back to Bella, which I doubted he would, he could still find a nice woman, be as normal as it is possible for a vegetarian vampire to be and live out his days happy. I in turn could attempt to find a nice vampire and be content. Though in reality, I had found my nice vampire, twice in fact. Alice and I had been together for along time before it all fell apart, in truth I still didn't understand how we fell apart, just that we had. Life for me had changed drastically after Bella's 18th birthday. Strangely Edward of all people never blamed me for my lack of control. Alice on the other hand, was a different story all together.

I could feel the absolute horror and hate radiate off of her whenever I was in the room. She tried to hide it from me for a while, but she just couldn't. I knew her too well. Her feeling of disgust and hate were not always directed at me. I would often feel her emotions grow stronger when Edward entered the room. This intrigued me, mostly because they had always been the closest of all of the family. Her emotions would always peek after a vision. The only thing I could figure was that is was because of Bella that Alice was directing such hatred at Edward. Bella had after all been her best friend. The intense feelings after a vision I assumed were about Bella. I couldn't ever confirm this because Edward had decided around the same time to stay out of people's heads.

I watched as my bouncing happy pixie turned into the angry little death pixie she is today. I watched all the love I had for her die right along with all her happiness. It was hard to see, knowing there was nothing I could do to stop it, though I tried everything. I tried surprising her with gifts, taking her on dates, even getting away from the family for a while, nothing worked. When we moved back to Forks, I thought for sure everything would go back to normal. That the large wrong in Alice's life had been righted and that she would come back to me. However, it proved to be the final nail in the coffin.

Not more than a week after being back in Forks, I was served with divorce papers. It didn't come as a shock, but it hurt like hell to know that the women whom had saved me, all those years ago, from my old life, had given up on me. Knowing that she no longer needed nor wanted me the way I thought I needed and wanted her was like being stabbed over and over again with a white hot knife. I had nothing left; nothing was holding me to the Cullen's. It had been on Alice's vision that I had left my old life and my old ways. It was because of Alice that I had made the struggle to become a "vegetarian" vampire. She was what held me to the family, and in all honesty she was what held me together most days. I was weak without her, her strength kept me ground, her faith in me kept me from giving in to my basic instincts. Without her I felt like nothing. I felt like I had nothing. There was no point in living a life that was not mine. So why then did I stay? The answer was simple, Edward. Edward had asked me to stay just long enough to deal with the army of newborns that turned out to be after Bella. I had agreed, not because I wanted to keep Bella safe, but because it had been important to Edward. The newborns came and we won the fight, and still I stayed. I had every intension of leaving after the fight but again Edward had asked me to stay. He had no real good reason for asking me to stay and yet I couldn't deny him anything. Even then my feelings for him were strong. Even when I wasn't willing to admit or even listen to them, my feelings were telling me, there was more to my relationship with Edward.

So I stayed with the family, for Edward. I could have run, gone back to Maria or stayed with Peter, but I didn't. I needed to be near Edward. I still need to be near Edward. I knew what choice I wanted to make. But I was sure that my continued involvement in his life was the wrong choice. Which was why this choice was so hard for me. Peter thought that this choice had been as clear as fucking glass but it wasn't. It felt like I was trying to look through a glass full of Heiffiawisen, murky and thick but still just iridescent enough to make out shapes though the shapes had no defining qualities.

HOW COULD I CHOOSE!? How could I make a decision like this, one that could end up costing Edward his life? Go back to him or stay away for good, those were my choices. If I stayed away both of us would be miserable. If I went back to him, we could be happy, at least for the amount of time we had together, before whatever was coming actually came. Plus I could fight what ever it was that was coming. Was that why one of my choices saves Edward's life? Because I was there to stand by him and fight? Was this thing going to happen with or without me and I was the reason Edward failed or won? Maybe just maybe my being around saves his life.

I really had no answers. I wanted the right answer to be to go back to Edward, but all I had was a handful of maybes and what ifs. I really just needed someone to help me decide. I could go around for days in my own head without getting any closer to the answer, like I had already done and it was starting to drive me nuts.

I felt him before I heard him. Peter! He was always a stealthy bastard but his emotions always prevented him from sneaking up on me. I turned to face his hiding spot and smiled, half heartedly, "I know you're there, what do you want?" my tone wasn't rude but it wasn't welcoming either. Yes I needed to talk to him, yes he could help me in my decision but honestly having a know-it-all for a best friend is a bit off putting. Almost as much as having a clairvoyant for a wife was.

When Peter was willing to give me advise he was always dead on. Problem is, unlike Alice, he wasn't willing to tell me too much. He always wanted me to figure it out and make my own choices, which was all fine and dandy most of the time but someone else's life was on the line and it was starting to piss me the fuck off, so I didn't actually WANT to talk to him. But no matter, he had found me, and just when he knew I needed it most. Peter was a special kind of vampire that was for sure. He couldn't actually see things like Alice; he just had an extra sense. He always knew what was going to happen but he could never explain why. I eventually just started listening to him without question.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," he said walking out from behind a tree. Shrugging his shoulders he came to stand next to me. _Shit head should know better then to lie to me._

"Bullshit Peter. You know something, now open that fucking mouth and tell me or I'll rip your arms off, hide them in a tree and laugh my ass off while you try and figure out how to get them back!" He huffed; he knew I would too, so he sat across from me on a stump. This allowed me to for the first time a look around the forest. It was absolutely beautiful, though not nearly as gorgeous as the Pacific Northwest. I had been so lost in thought last week that I hadn't even noticed where I had come to rest in my soul searching. Now that I looked around, I could see that the ground was wet, so it had clearly rained recently. The air smelled crisp and clean, while dew clung to the leaves. The sun was low in the sky and the temperature hadn't yet reached above 60 so I new it was early morning somewhere around five or six. Peter was talking to me and yet I heard none of it. I was too much in awe of how thoughts of Edward had consumed me, that I hadn't even noticed I had been soaked with rain water, more then once by the looks of it.

A rock hit my shoulder, it didn't hurt of course but it was enough to bring me out of my stupor. "Jasper, man, are you fucking listening to me?" Why would he ask that? He knew I wasn't listening. I just rolled my eyes rather then answer his stupid question.

"Jasper," Peter said in an exasperated tone that matched his mood. "You came out here for my advice and yet, when I give it to you, you don't listen." It was my turn to huff and be annoyed.

"Fuck you Peter!" I said jumping to my feet. It felt a little weird to be using them after having sat still for a whole week. "What the fuck "advise," have you given me? "Make a choice", "Decide if Edward's life is important to you." I mocked, "That's not advice Peter, that's your way of fucking with my head. So yeah, you're right, I haven't "listened" to your advice, because you haven't given me any."

"Fine Jasper, you're right. I haven't actually given you any advice, but I did get you thinking." Grumbling under my breath I let the bastard continue because technically he was right. He has got me thinking. "So…" he said tentatively, "Can I give you some advice now?"

I nodded, "But if you say, "follow your heart" I'm taking your arms off," I said sitting down. He laughed and promised me that wasn't what he was going to say.

"You've been here for a week now, sitting in the same spot, never moving. I know you well enough to know that the week you have wasted sitting here acting like Rodin's _The Thinker_, was un-needed. You know what you're going to do and have known since before you left Edward in Denali. Its time to man the fuck up and do it." He was right of course. I truly did know already what I was going to do. What I was going to do, but he was wrong as well. My week had not been a waste; he had after all informed me of the danger Edward was in, something I had not been aware of previously. As for my thinking, well, I needed to weigh my options, make sure that I was indeed making the right choice.

"Now get the hell up and go hunt!" he said pulling me to my feet, "Then take a fucking shower, because seriously dude, you look like crap and then I want you to get the hell out of here." With that he turned and started to run back the way he had come. I nodded knowing full well he couldn't actually see my submission. I paused for a moment to get an idea of were I was in relation to my food source and began to run in the opposite direction as Peter.

It didn't take me long to find and take down two mountain lions. It had to be mountain lions, they always reminded me of Edward. Though today's thoughts of Edward only proved to push me deeper to my decision. After burying the two lions, I raced back to Peters and got cleaned up.

The shower felt good on my marble skin and I got caught up in watching the streaks of mud run down my porcelain skin, mixed with the soap and finally swirl its way down the drain and out of my site, as if it had never been there. The water didn't just take the mud away from me, it took my life too. My old life. I was walking away from everything I had ever known. Giving up everything I had thought I had wanted out of life in peruse of something completely different. I was 167 years old and I was starting a new life, the idea scared me slightly, but I knew I would be all right.

Once finished in the shower, I dried myself and got dressed. On my way out the door Charlotte stopped me.

"Where are you going?" She said eyeing the keys I had pulled out of my pocket. "I haven't seen you at all this week," she sounded sad, which she was. Our friendship had been somewhat strained over the past 60 or so years. Alice and Char didn't see eye to eye on well anything. But mostly it was my friendship with Peter that Alice and Char didn't agree on. Charlotte had no problems with Peters' and my previous "relationship" but Alice… well Alice was threatened by the idea of Peter and me together. That might have been why she told Bella about Edward and I. Snapping out of my thoughts I pulled Char close to me for a hug.

"I know we haven't had a chance to talk in awhile and I promise we will, just not right now. I'm going to find my future. I'll be back after I find it." I kissed her on the cheek and walked out the door.

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**Alright you know the drill. Reviews are like Jasper all wet always wanted and always welcome. click that little green button and tell us what you think. did we fall flat on our face with this chapter? what is worth the almost two month wait? should we just never write another chapter because we have made this story and epic fail? let us know Please!**

**~JDA & JDK**


	6. What's Right For Me?

**Disclaimer: So we still don't own anything, but playing with Jasper and Edward is so much fun.**

EPOV

I had been sitting on this fucking window sill for a fucking week, maybe. I didn't even fucking know. All I knew was that the more days that I was without Jasper, the emptier I felt.

I felt as if this huge hole had appeared in my chest. It hurt so much, where my un-beating heart rests in my chest. Was this what it felt like to be heartbroken? Could this possibly be how Bella felt when I left her?

_Why are you fucking thinking about her? She obviously hasn't been thinking about you, because if she was, she wouldn't have always been gone. What do you suppose her and Alice were up to?_

They were shopping. _Right, tell yourself that. Does it make you feel better? I'd ask if that helps you sleep at night, but since we don't sleep; well I already know that answer._

Oh god! My conscious is trying to make a joke and failing miserably. Why don't you shut up? I can't think with you inside my head.

_Are you serious? I'm your fucking conscious. I'm never going to shut up. I'm trying to point out the obvious. Oh and my joke was very funny. You have no sense of humor._

Can you shut up, for like five fucking minutes? _No. _UGH! I swear that if a vampire could go crazy; well I'd be knocking on the door of craziness.

_That's not going to make me shut up. I'm only trying to help you. _You really think you're helping me? _Yes. _You say that like it's so obvious. _Well it is._

For who, because it sure as hell wasn't obvious to me? When have you helped? All you have succeeded at doing was make me feel like I was going insane. That didn't seem like help to me.

_You only think you're going insane because you're talking to yourself. Well technically you're not talking to yourself because you haven't said anything out loud. You're just thinking and I'm helping._

Okay, so where's the help? I have no more answers now than I did when I first sat here. _That's not true, sort of. Look we both know what the right choice is. You just have to listen to your head and your heart._

My head and my heart, is that your advice? _Your head and heart are already on the same page, you're just not listening to them. _Well, maybe if you'd shut up long enough, I might be able to hear what my heart is saying.

_Your heart has been saying it for years; you've just been too scared to listen. Maybe now, you'll hear it. You want to believe that your heart has always lied with Bella, but in truth, it's always belonged to Jasper._

That's not true, I did love Bella. _I never said you didn't; I simply said your heart never belonged to her. We love him, we always have and we always will. You just need to get your ass off of this window seal and go after him._

Go after him, that's all you can say? Great, now you shut up. I've wanted you to be quiet for days and you choose now to remain silent. Well thank you so very much for fucking helping me out.

I closed my eyes and rested my head in my hands. Maybe I was going crazy. I didn't ever recall a time when my conscious wanted to talk so much. What if the things my conscious has conjured up were true?

Could it be possible, that my heart has always belonged to Jasper? That would mean that he was my true soul mate. That couldn't be possible, could it? Of course it could be possible.

All these years that we've spent together, it was right in front of my eyes and I never saw it. I had my soul mate in my arms and I let him leave. My choice was obvious, it was so clear to see.

Why didn't I see it sooner? _You wouldn't have believed it, had you seen your choice sooner. You had to be ready to accept it. Now that you are, what are you going to do?_

You would think that by sitting in this window and thinking for as long as I've been; that I would have figured something out by now. In truth, I guess I have figured out what it is that I want to do. I just need to get off my ass and do what it is that I want to do.

What if I have made the wrong decision? What if he doesn't want me? What if I get to him and he sends me away? _Don't fucking think like that, he wants you._ _You know he wants you, you seen it in his eyes and felt it in his touch._

Maybe I should just go to him. Tell him we need to sit down and talk. Put everything out on the table; tell him how I feel about him. I have to go to him. I can't just sit here any longer, if I do I'm afraid I'll go mad.

I stood up and walked towards the door. I could hear Eleazar coming up the stairs without listening to his thoughts. He walked up to me and put his arm around my shoulder.

"I was beginning to think that you would never get off of that window sill." He said as we descended the stairs.

"I'm sorry; I just needed to figure everything out."

We stopped once we reached the last step and he turned to face me. "Have you, Edward? Have you figured everything out?"

I sighed, "I don't know. I think I have, but what if I've made the wrong decision?"

He stared at me for a moment, lost in thought. "Listen, to me; I believe that if you go after Jasper, it's the right decision. If you stay here, then you're making the wrong decision, but Edward the decision is yours to make."

"I know. I can't thank you enough for all your help. I'm going to him and tell him that I love him. I just hope he loves me as much as I love him."

He smiled, "I think you'll be safe. I have a feeling that he loves you as much as you love him. Take care, Edward. You both deserve to be happy."

"Thank you, Eleazar." I turned to Tanya and she hugged me and placed a quick kiss on my cheek.

"Go get your love, Edward. He's waiting for you." She said as I wrapped my arms around her.

"I will, Tanya. Thank you for everything." I told her and then gave her a kiss on her forehead. I released her and walked to the door. I turned and gave them both a small smile before walking out of the door.

I was about to take off running when the door opened up. I turned to see Eleazar standing there. I arched a brow and he tossed me a set of keys.

_I can't let you run, it would take too long. Take my car, but bring it back. _I nodded at him and walked to his car, climbing in and starting it. The engine roared to life and I quickly put it in gear and took off.

I was on a mission to get Jasper back. I couldn't wait to have him in my arms again, to feel him, to kiss him, and to feel him inside me. I wanted to look into his eyes and tell him how much I love him.

I wanted to make love to him. I wanted to spend every day of the rest of eternity with him. I wanted to travel with him, go hunting with him; everything a couple does together, I wanted to share with him.

_At least you didn't think normal. Cause technically, you two are far from normal. _Please tell me that you weren't trying to make another joke, because if you were, you have failed again.

_I bet Jasper would have found both of my jokes to be funny. Yeah, I'm quite sure that he would have laughed. I told you that you didn't have a sense of humor._

We're the same fucking person, how can you have a sense of humor, but I can't? _Because I'm not as reserved as you are. I don't take everything so seriously. You need to relax. _

I'm not tense. _Haha. Funny; I've never met anyone as tense as you. Think about it, when have you ever just relaxed and let things flow? _I don't know. _Because you never have._

So you think I need to change the way that I am? _Nah, Jasper seems to like the way that you are. If you change his feelings for you may change and we don't want that to happen._

What if we do want that to happen? It would help if we knew how he feels about us, we might need to change. _Umm, the last time I checked, he loved you for who you are now. _

_I told you, it's always been him. He knows that too, he can feel it coming from you. You love each other and you belong together. Now quit thinking so much, you're making my head hurt._

Three jokes, all of them terrible. _Nope, three jokes and all of them were funny as hell. Let's tell them to Jasper when we get to him and see if he laughs. I bet he does. _I bet he doesn't, because they weren't funny.

_They were very funny, you just forgot to laugh. Ooh I just thought of another one. Make sure you laugh. Did you know that laughing takes years off of your life?_

I groaned, my conscious was seriously driving me insane. That wasn't funny, okay maybe a little funny. It fell silent in my head once again, hopefully it will remain that way, but I have a feeling that it won't.

I'm coming to you Jasper. Please, feel the same way about me as I feel about you. I honestly didn't know what I would do if he didn't love me like I loved him. I would have to go back to Eleazar if he didn't love me.

I think the Denali's will be the only ones capable of helping me out of that abyss. I really hoped it didn't come to that because it would hurt too much if he didn't love me. _Stop thinking like that. He loves you. Trust me, if only for once; trust me now._

_You going after him is the right decision. He loves you the same way you love him, believe me. _Okay, I will trust you. I just pray that you're right. _I am and when I prove it to you, I plan on rubbing it in your face._

Fine, if that will make you feel better to rub it in; go for it. I hope you do prove me wrong, for both our sakes. _I will because our heart wouldn't be able to handle it, if he didn't love us the same way._

I took a deep unnecessary breath. My conscious may drive me insane at times, but it sure as fuck knew what it was talking about. I looked down at the gauges and noticed that I was in serious need of getting some gas.

Why the fuck would Eleazar leave his tank almost empty? Well at least there was an exit coming up. I reached the exit and took it quickly. I pulled up to the gas pump and filled up the tank as fast as possible.

I paid for the gas and jumped back in the car. I was in a hurry to get to the man that I loved and nothing was going to slow me down. I started the car and took off like there was no tomorrow. The faster that I drove, the faster that I would get there.

**Okay so you know what to do. Hit that little green button down there and tell us what you thought. After all reviews are like Jasper and Edward in the shower all wet and absofuckinlutely yummy. A fantasy that we all want to happen. Love, JDDA**


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